Anger Management Tips

What is anger?

Anger is a natural emotion that every human and many non-human animals experience. Mild forms of human anger may include displeasure, irritation or dislike. When we react to frustration, criticism or a threat, we may become angry - and usually this is a 'healthy response'. Anger may be a secondary response to feeling sad, lonely or frightened. When anger becomes a full-blown rage our judgment and thinking can become impaired and we are more likely to do and say unreasonable and irrational things. Now we will discuss how to 'manage anger?'

Not hust end of relationship, enmity stated

What an easy way to get things done!!!

-- Ambrose Bierce.
Anger can make you ill

Anger has survival benefits, and forms part of our “fight or flight” brain response to a perceived threat or harm. Anger can be constructive or destructive. 

Experts say anger is a primary, natural emotion with functional survival value, which we all experience from time to time. The raised heart rate, blood pressure, and release of hormones prepare us physically for remedial action - which is either to fight or run away at top speed (fight or flight).

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

When we are angry the body releases 'stress hormones', such as 'adrenaline', 'noradrenaline' and 'cortisol'. The heart rate, blood pressure, body temperature and breathing rate increase. Regular episodes of anger can eventually make people ill. 


Out-of-control anger hurts your physical health, mental health, career and relationship with others. This will lead you to distress unless managed.

General conceptions and reality of Anger and 'Anger management'

Conception: If you hold your anger, it will make you unhealthy and the best is to vent it out.


Reality: Though conquering and neglecting anger is not a healthy practice, venting out is not a better option. Anger could not be let out belligerently to get rid of blown. 'Philippics and bursts' will aggravate and increase your ill effects of anger.


Conception: Anger can never be controlled and none can help it.


Reality: You can never control the situation you are in like we discussed already in stress management but you can control your expressions when you are angry. It is you have the choice of responding to people in 'anger situation'. Don't raise your voice with anger but improve quality of your argument without aggressive facial expressions.


Conception: 'Showing anger' and 'being aggressive' will gain me some respect among people around me.


Reality: People will become afraid of you and will maintain distance that is misunderstood as respect. Humbleness and respecting others go a long way and earn you the real respect.


Conception: Managing anger is oppressing it.
Reality: It is to develop healthier practices to manage disturbances and upsets. Anger management is knowing fundamental feelings when confused, depressed or disturbed and manage them. Suppressing your anger or completely avoiding are not the objectives but the goal is to express in a productive way or not destructive way at least.  

Try these:

Take a 'time out' . Count 10 or 15 before reacting or leave the situation altogether.

Think Carefully before you say anything so that you don't end up saying something you will
regret.

Don't hold a 'Grudge'. Forgive the other person and this is the best of anything you do ever. I is
really unrealistic to expect others to behave exactly as you want. Even we can't do many times.
right?

Use 'I' statements when describing the problem to avoid criticizing or placing blame. For instance,
say " I am upset you didn't help with the housework this evening" instead of You should have
helped with the housework". Doing otherwise will likely upset the person and escalate the
tensions

Some 'anger management tips' might help:

·         Ask yourself this question: "Will the object of my anger matter ten years from now?" Chances are, you will see things from a calmer perspective.

·         Ask yourself: "What is the worst consequence of the object of my anger?" If someone cut in front of you at the book store check-out, you will probably find that three minutes is not such a big deal.

·         Imagine yourself doing the same thing. Come on, admit that you sometimes cut in front of another driver, too ... sometimes by accident. Do you get angry at yourself?

·         Ask yourself this question: "Did that person do this to me on purpose?" In many cases, you will see that they were just careless or in a rush, and really did not mean you any harm.

·         Try counting to ten before saying anything. This may not address the anger directly, but it can minimize the damage you will do while angry.

·         Try some "new and improved" variations of counting to ten. For instance, try counting to ten with a deep slow breathe in between each number. Deep breathing -- from your diaphragm -- helps people relax.

·         Or try pacing your numbers as you count. The old "one-steamboat-two-steamboat, etc." trick seems kind of lame to me. Steamboats are not the best devices to reduce your steam. How about "One-chocolate-ice-cream-two-chocolate-ice-cream", or use something else that you find either pleasant or humorous.

·         Visualize a relaxing experience. Close your eyes, and travel there in your mind. Make it your stress-free oasis.


For further course and soft skills and stress management related materials read here. Or click
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